With a shift of focus from the subjective participant to the observer, one sees the narcissistic emphasis on expectations as an ego positionality that makes the individual a petulant or anger-prone person. The angry person secretly feels entitled to its wants and desires and has impossible expectations of life. Anger can also be an attitude and a vulnerable ego positionality. It leads to aggression rather than the healthier alternative of self-assertion.
The basic antidote to anger is humility, which is the counterbalance to the egotism that feeds it. The infant within the angry person rails against the unfairness of life, which is actually the perception of the petulant, spoiled child. Narcissism engenders the belief that one deserves to get what one wants, for the narcissistic core of the ego is concerned only with an inflated self-importance. When it dawns on the infant that the universe is indifferent to the ego’s wants, it goes into a rage that transposes into patterns of interpersonal conflict. Anger then becomes the futile attempt to control others who become objects to be manipulated or blamed for frustration.
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Similarly., the idea that you deserve to get what you want is not a symptom of narcissism – it is basic self-respect. People go to anger as a last resort of self defense when they just can’t take any more repression. It’s not about being spoiled – it’s about experiencing chronic lack of what one needs to feel ok.